I Pledge to Work for Free

A pledge rewritten around its author

On February 23, 2018, Twitter user @CarlosCruz2016, Carlos Cruz, took part in a discussion about weapons and school safety. He announced that he was ready to work for free at any school to protect children. In the post the author presented himself as a veteran with twenty-nine years of service, listing combat experience, weapons and tactical gear. These details were part of his own statement.

The post appeared against the backdrop of the American debate after the Parkland attack. A volunteer's pledge differed from the proposal to arm trained school staff: here a person personally offered his services and proved his suitability with a detailed list of merits. Such serious self-presentation proved a convenient basis for mocking the image of an overprepared savior.

At the end of February, Kreng Nelson reposted the message with ironic commentary. After that, users began changing the photo while keeping the grandiose pledge. One well-known early variant by @pixelatedboat used Garfield in military guise. Later the remakes began changing the text itself, adjusting the list of abilities to the new volunteer. The deleted original tweet survived in retellings and screenshots; the copypasta went on living independently of its author.

Portrait of the original volunteer

The image shows a man standing in front of a light wall, in a black tactical vest, helmet and dark sunglasses. Across his chest a weapon is positioned; straps and gear elements are visible. The frame is cropped below the waist; the background is nearly empty, so the whole composition focuses on the equipment and a direct gaze into the camera.

There is no pledge text beside it. This is a portrait from the original post, which later parodies replaced with other images. The glasses and helmet cover much of the face, and the many details create an impression of readiness for a serious task. The meme remake uses exactly this demonstrative preparedness: it becomes funny when the list of merits gets a completely unsuitable bearer.

A résumé in which every merit becomes a trap

The copypasta is built like a brief job application. First comes a generous offer, then confirmation of qualifications, and after that a list of available resources. In an ordinary résumé such a sequence should increase trust. In the parody, each next item can show why the candidate looks less and less suitable.

Swapping the picture makes it possible to read the old words through knowledge of the character. If the hero is known for excessive strength, constant sleepiness or a habit of mixing up tasks, the solemn pledge acquires a hidden contradiction. He talks about his merits, while the viewer imagines the consequences of his participation. A long, serious text therefore often looks funnier than a short mocking caption.

When the list is rewritten, the humor becomes even more precise. Experience, rank and gear receive domestic or fantastic equivalents, but keep their businesslike order. The confident voice of the statement stays unchanged, even though its content can no longer be taken literally. The parody reproduces the confidence of the original and changes the grounds for that confidence.

Volunteers for three harmless tasks

In an invented scene, a dragon offers to guard the school garden for free. He lists a hundred years of experience, night vision and the ability to heat the ground. The last item is the habit of sleeping in a flowerbed. Each merit sounds convincing until the list reveals a circumstance incompatible with the garden itself.

In another version, a sleepy cat volunteers to keep order in the reading room. His résumé includes “Twelve years of silence,” “Experience lying on documents” and “Full readiness to wake up when necessary.” The tone of the solemn pledge is preserved, but the qualifications describe mostly rest. The portrait of the sleeping candidate turns the phrase about constant readiness into an obvious exaggeration.

The third example is about an invented knight who offers to monitor the cafeteria line for free. He claims he has withstood many sieges, carries a huge shield and never retreats. In the picture the shield blocks the entrance, so no one can get inside. It is precisely the excessive preparation that makes the candidate a source of a new problem: the same twist for which the long pledge became a convenient parody text.